Once you‚??ve moved out of your parents‚?? house, staying on the same page as your Mom and Mom and Pop can be tricky. Parents want to know what‚??s up, and you don‚??t have the energy (or grace) to tell them what you‚??ve really going on in your life. In all likelihood, you‚??ve had a conversation with your mother which has gone something like this:
‚??So, any boys?‚??
‚??Whatever, I don‚??t know Mom.‚??
‚??Please leave me alone.‚??
And in all likelihood, such conversations leave you irritated and generally pissed off.
‚??You just don‚??t get it, Mom.‚??
In fact, there‚??s a good chance your Mom doesn‚??t totally get it. But I‚??m of the opinion that Moms (or Aunts or Grandmothers or whatever) do have good advice to give, and their intentions are mostly good, as long as you figure out the right way to talk to them. So before you go apeshit on your inquiring maternal figure, consider these guidelines for chatting about boy business with your Ma.
1. Do Not Use The Term "Hook Up."
Connotations change. A friend told her mother that she‚??d recently ‚??hooked up‚?? with a guy, implying that she‚??d had a brief make-out session. Her mother kept quiet, until coming back a few days later to say, ‚??maybe you shouldn‚??t have slept with that guy so quickly.‚?? Embarrassed, my friend had to explain that ‚??hooking up‚?? usually just referred to kissing with tongue. To avoid vagueness, come up with a better word ‚?? your Mom won‚??t think you‚??re slutty for ‚??French Kissing.‚??
2. Put Your Mom In Your Place
Unless your Mom is a big weirdo (which would suck), chances are she had some wild days of her own. We know, you don‚??t want to think about that. But if she bugs you about ‚??not telling her things‚?? or ‚??kids these days being scandalous,‚?? remind her how annoying it was when her elders spoke to her that way back in the day. It‚??ll allow her to relive the glory days, and it might make her more sympathetic.
3. Keep Track Of Your Lies
Chances are, you‚??re going to have to tell your Mom a couple white lies. If you‚??re hungover enough that you sleep through an exam, or don‚??t want to disclose where you slept last night, you‚??re going to have to bluff a bit. But while you‚??re busy juggling lots of friends and crowded bars, your Mom is probably going to keep track of what you say. So keep your lies intact, otherwise you‚??ll definitely get caught. And keep lies to a minimum. It‚??s bad for your karma.
4. Dealing With The ‚??Is He Your Boyfriend‚?? Discussion
If you start seeing a guy, and happen to mention it to Ma, you can bet she‚??ll start bugging you if he‚??s taken you out yet, if he‚??s your boyfriend, and yada yada yada. You know, on one hand, she‚??s sort of right about the fact that it‚??s messed up you haven‚??t been on a date, but you don‚??t want to let her win. Resist the urge to start screaming at her out of frustration, and settle for the ever-innocuous and mostly meaningless, ‚??We‚??re taking it slow.‚?? If she continues to go on about you marrying a nice Jewish doctor, just cover your ears at this point.
5. When In Doubt, Cry
If it gets to that point, just unleash the waterworks and have a good cry. May as well do it in front of the woman who birthed you.