Once youâ??ve moved out of your parentsâ?? house, staying on the same page as your Mom and Mom and Pop can be tricky. Parents want to know whatâ??s up, and you donâ??t have the energy (or grace) to tell them what youâ??ve really going on in your life. In all likelihood, youâ??ve had a conversation with your mother which has gone something like this:
â??So, any boys?â??
â??Whatever, I donâ??t know Mom.â??
â??No one?â??
â??Please leave me alone.â??
And in all likelihood, such conversations leave you irritated and generally pissed off.
â??You just donâ??t get it, Mom.â??
In fact, thereâ??s a good chance your Mom doesnâ??t totally get it. But Iâ??m of the opinion that Moms (or Aunts or Grandmothers or whatever) do have good advice to give, and their intentions are mostly good, as long as you figure out the right way to talk to them. So before you go apeshit on your inquiring maternal figure, consider these guidelines for chatting about boy business with your Ma.
1. Do Not Use The Term "Hook Up."
Connotations change. A friend told her mother that sheâ??d recently â??hooked upâ?? with a guy, implying that sheâ??d had a brief make-out session. Her mother kept quiet, until coming back a few days later to say, â??maybe you shouldnâ??t have slept with that guy so quickly.â?? Embarrassed, my friend had to explain that â??hooking upâ?? usually just referred to kissing with tongue. To avoid vagueness, come up with a better word â?? your Mom wonâ??t think youâ??re slutty for â??French Kissing.â??
2. Put Your Mom In Your Place
Unless your Mom is a big weirdo (which would suck), chances are she had some wild days of her own. We know, you donâ??t want to think about that. But if she bugs you about â??not telling her thingsâ?? or â??kids these days being scandalous,â?? remind her how annoying it was when her elders spoke to her that way back in the day. Itâ??ll allow her to relive the glory days, and it might make her more sympathetic.
3. Keep Track Of Your Lies
Chances are, youâ??re going to have to tell your Mom a couple white lies. If youâ??re hungover enough that you sleep through an exam, or donâ??t want to disclose where you slept last night, youâ??re going to have to bluff a bit. But while youâ??re busy juggling lots of friends and crowded bars, your Mom is probably going to keep track of what you say. So keep your lies intact, otherwise youâ??ll definitely get caught. And keep lies to a minimum. Itâ??s bad for your karma.
4. Dealing With The â??Is He Your Boyfriendâ?? Discussion
If you start seeing a guy, and happen to mention it to Ma, you can bet sheâ??ll start bugging you if heâ??s taken you out yet, if heâ??s your boyfriend, and yada yada yada. You know, on one hand, sheâ??s sort of right about the fact that itâ??s messed up you havenâ??t been on a date, but you donâ??t want to let her win. Resist the urge to start screaming at her out of frustration, and settle for the ever-innocuous and mostly meaningless, â??Weâ??re taking it slow.â?? If she continues to go on about you marrying a nice Jewish doctor, just cover your ears at this point.
5. When In Doubt, Cry
If it gets to that point, just unleash the waterworks and have a good cry. May as well do it in front of the woman who birthed you.
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